


Of Vampires And Cockroaches

by Adrastiana



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Vampires, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 06:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18190958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adrastiana/pseuds/Adrastiana
Summary: Reno amusingly muses about what it would be like to be a vampire.





	Of Vampires And Cockroaches

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what prompted this. The idea just popped into my head. Excuse the hastily written style. My PC died the death (hence me not uploading for awhile) and I have been using an Android notepad clone. I am having a hard time getting used to mobile even though I basicaly use this tablet like a laptop.
> 
> I hope there aren't any missed typos. Mobile Chrome doesn't seem to have that red squiggly line that appears under misspelled words. If it does then I can't find the option. I try my best to catch them all for they are like Pokemon. But I am now using a mini bluetooth keyboard and misstyping is too easy on a keyboard for ants. :P

Reno looked up at the sky and yawned. "Man... I sure am tired."

Rude checked his watch. "It's only 6:00."

"But I didn't sleep so good last night."

"That's what you get for eating a whole pizza before bed."

"But that's the best time to eat it," Reno laughed, stuffing his hands inside his pockets.

"In ten minutes?" Rude asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's my new personal best!"

Rude shook his head. "Well let's cap it off at that. I wouldn't want you to get really sick."

"Aww Rude, you're so sweet," Reno said, smiling widely.

The bald man shrugged, trying not to blush. "Well somebody's got to keep you in check."

"You know," Reno began, "If I was a vampire I'd be waking up soon."

"A vampire?"

"Yeah. You know... Fangs, cape, sleeps in a coffin. Stays up all night drinking?"

The bald man laughed softly. "Well you've got one out of four."

"But I ain't sleepin' in a coffin, man," Reno mused. "Gives me the heebeegeebees. I think I could rock the cape and fangs though."

"Whatever you say, Red."

"Hey," Reno said suddenly, after the pair had been walking silently for a few minutes.

Rude looked over at his partner, who was holding the end of his long ponytail, looking at it intently. "Hmm?"

"Do you think my hair would make me thirsty?"

Rude raised an eyebrow, thoroughly confused. 

"You know, because it's red."

"Red?" Rude asked.

Reno rolled his eyes. "Yeah. You know, like blood."

Rude was about to ask what the hell Reno was talking about when the red head chimed in and answered the yet to be spoken question.

"Because I'm a vampire, Rude! Jeez, you sure are slow today."

The bald man shrugged. "Sorry. Maybe I'm just tired."

"See, if we were vampires we would be asleep right now. Instead of being awake."

"But the sun is almost down," Rude replied. "So we'd have to get up anyway."

"Or we'd be late for our shift at the blood bank."

Rude once again raised an eyebrow. "Blood bank?"

"Well yeah," the red head began, casually kicking a rock. "That's where vampires usually work. I saw it in a movie. Vampires don't have regular jobs like us."

"We have regular jobs?" Rude asked. "Since when?

"We're average working joes, man."

Rude shrugged. "Whatever you say, Reno."

"Anyway," the red head continued, "Do you think I'd make a good vampire?"

"Well, you're definitely pale enough. "

"Yeah!" Reno laughed. I got that anemic look down pat. See? I'd be perfect."

"What about me then?" Rude asked. "You'd be immortal. You'd miss me someday."

"Aww, don't worry Rude. I'd bite you."

Rude rubbed his neck reflexively. "Thanks. I think."

"Yeah...," Reno mused. Best friends forever. Literally."

"Unless we get caught out in the sun."

"Disco inferno," Reno quipped.

Rude nodded. "Indeed. Or we get doused in holy water. Or have stakes shoved through our hearts. Then there's garlic. Crosses..

"Talk about living dangerously," the red head sighed.

"Vampire hunters, getting our heads chopped off, getting torched-"

"Ok, ok, I get the picture Rude," Reno laughed. "But that sweet eternal youth..."

"I thought you were already immortal?"

The red head grinned widely. "Just call me cockroach!"

"Well then cockroach," Rude began, looking at his watch again. "I think it's time to get a drink."

"Sounds good to me partner. As long as it's not blood."

"So I take it you don't want a bloody mary?" Rude asked.

"Do I look like a 65 year old woman to you Rude?"

The bald man shook his head. "You look like a cockroach."

Reno stuck out his tongue and raced ahead towards the bar. Rude followed behind at a leisurely pace. After all, you couldn't outrun a cockroch.

_~Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> This may be my last fic for awhile due to a housing situation and all my work in progress being on my dearly departed PC. I intend on trying to recover the hard drive sometime in the future. The very old stuff is on a flash drive though and some of it has still never been uploaded.
> 
> Sorry about all the blog notes. I will try not to do that again unless it is important info such as this.


End file.
